喜劇天王金·凱瑞在瑪赫西管理大學畢業(yè)典禮英語演講稿

　　Thank you Bevan, thank you all!

　　I brought one of my paintings to show you today. Hope you guys are gonna be able see it okay.It’s not one of my bigger pieces. You might wanna move down front — to get a good look at it. (kidding)

　　Faculty, Parents, Friends, Dignitaries... Graduating Class of 2014, and all the dead baseballplayers coming out of the corn to be with us today. (laughter) After the harvest there’s noplace to hide — the fields are empty — there is no cover there! (laughter)

　　I am here to plant a seed that will inspire you to move forward in life with enthusiastic heartsand a clear sense of wholeness. The question is, will that seed have a chance to take root, or willI be sued by Monsanto and forced to use their seed, which may not be totally “Ayurvedic.” (laughter)

　　Excuse me if I seem a little low energy tonight — today — whatever this is. I slept with myhead to the North last night. (laughter) Oh man! Oh man! You know how that is, right kids?Woke up right in the middle of Pitta and couldn’t get back to sleep till Vata rolled around, but Ididn’t freak out. I used that time to eat a large meal and connect with someone special onTinder. (laughter)

　　Life doesn’t happen to you, it happens for you. How do I know this? I don’t, but I’m makingsound, and that’s the important thing. That’s what I’m here to do. Sometimes, I think that’sone of the only things that are important. Just letting each other know we’re here, remindingeach other that we are part of a larger self. I used to think Jim Carrey is all that I was...

　　Just a flickering light

　　A dancing shadow

　　The great nothing masquerading as something you can name

　　Dwelling in forts and castles made of witches – wishes! Sorry, a Freudian slip there

　　Seeking shelter in caves and foxholes, dug out hastily

　　An archer searching for his target in the mirror

　　Wounded only by my own arrows

　　Begging to be enslaved

　　Pleading for my chains

　　Blinded by longing and tripping over paradise – can I get an “Amen”?! (applause)

　　You didn’t think I could be serious did ya’? I don't think you understand who you're dealingwith! I have no limits! I cannot be contained because I’m the container. You can’t containthe container, man! You can’t contain the container! (laughter)

　　I used to believe that who I was ended at the edge of my skin, that I had been given this littlevehicle called a body from which to experience creation, and though I couldn’t have asked for asportier model, (laughter) it was after all a loaner and would have to be returned. Then, Ilearned that everything outside the vehicle was a part of me, too, and now I drive aconvertible. Top down wind in my hair! (laughter)

　　I am elated and truly, truly, truly excited to be present and fully connected to you at thisimportant moment in your journey. I hope you’re ready to open the roof and take it all in?! (audience doesn’t react) Okay, four more years then! (laughter)

　　I want to thank the Trustees, Administrators and Faculty of MUM for creating an institutionworthy of Maharishi’s ideals of education. A place that teaches the knowledge and experiencenecessary to be productive in life, as well as enabling the students, through TranscendentalMeditation and ancient Vedic knowledge to slack off twice a day for an hour and a half!! (laughter) — don’t think you’re fooling me!!! — (applause) but, I guess it has some benefits.It does allow you to separate who you truly are and what’s real, from the stories that runthrough your head.

　　You have given them the ability to walk behind the mind’s elaborate set decoration, and tosee that there is a huge difference between a dog that is going to eat you in your mind and anactual dog that’s going to eat you. (laughter) That may sound like no big deal, but many neverlearn that distinction and spend a great deal of their lives living in fight or flight response.

　　I’d like to acknowledge all you wonderful parents — way to go for the fantastic job you’vedone — for your tireless dedication, your love, your support, and most of all, for the attentionyou’ve paid to your children. I have a saying, “Beware the unloved,” because they willeventually hurt themselves... or me! (laughter)

　　But when I look at this group here today, I feel really safe! I do! I’m just going to say it — myroom is not locked! My room is not locked! (laughter) No doubt some of you will turn out to becrooks! But white-collar stuff — Wall St. ya’ know, that type of thing — crimes committed bypeople with self-esteem! Stuff a parent can still be proud of in a weird way. (laughter)

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