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最新英語(yǔ)幽默笑話
一、
Harry was given two apples, a small one and a large one, by his Mum. Share them with your sister, she said.
So Harry gave the small one to his little sister and started touching into the large one.
Cor! said his sister, If Mum had given them to me I'd have given you the large one and had the small one myself.
Well, said Harry, that's what you've got, so what are you worrying about?
媽媽給了哈里兩個(gè)蘋果，一個(gè)大一點(diǎn)，另一個(gè)小點(diǎn)兒。跟妹妹分著吃。媽媽說(shuō)。
所以，哈里就把小個(gè)的給了妹妹，自己開始啃那個(gè)大個(gè)的。
哼，妹妹說(shuō)，如果媽媽給了我，我會(huì)把大的給你，把小的留給自己的。
對(duì)呀，哈里說(shuō)，你拿到的不就是小的嗎?還著什么急呀?
二、
One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter , the father then remembered didn't write the address and addressee's name on the envelope.
After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?"
"Certainly"
"You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?"
"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."
"Then why you didn't take it back?"
"I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee, is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!"
有一天,父親讓八歲的兒子去寄一封信,兒子已經(jīng)拿著信跑了,父親才想起信封上沒(méi)寫地址和收信人的名字。
兒子回來(lái)后,父親問(wèn)他:“你把信丟進(jìn)郵筒了嗎?” “當(dāng)然”“你沒(méi)看見信封上沒(méi)有寫地址和收信人名字嗎?”
“我當(dāng)然看見信封上什么也沒(méi)寫”“那你為什么不拿回來(lái)呢?”
“我還以為你不寫地址和收信人,是為了不想讓我知道你把信寄給誰(shuí)呢!”
三、
The preacher was vexed because a certain member of his congregation always fell asleep during the sermon.
As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon. So, in a whisper, he asked the congregation. "All who want to go to heaven, please rise." Everyone got up except the snorer. After whispering "Be seated", the minister shouted at the top of his voiced, "All those who want to be with the devil, please rise."
Awaking with a start , the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpit , "Well, sir," he said, "I don't know what we're voting on, but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it."
牧師非常生氣，因?yàn)榭傆幸粋�(gè)人在他說(shuō)教時(shí)打瞌睡。
一個(gè)星期天，正當(dāng)坐在前排的那個(gè)人又在瞌睡時(shí)，牧師決定要好好教育他一下，讓他不要再在布道時(shí)睡覺。于是他低聲對(duì)信徒們說(shuō)：“想去天堂的人，都請(qǐng)站起來(lái)吧�！彼械娜硕颊玖似饋�(lái)——當(dāng)然，除了那個(gè)打瞌睡的人。在低聲說(shuō)過(guò)請(qǐng)坐后，牧師高聲喊道：“想去下地獄的人請(qǐng)站起來(lái)!”
打瞌睡的人被這突然的喊叫聲驚醒了，他站了起來(lái)�？吹侥翈煾哒驹诮虊�，正生氣的看著他。這個(gè)人說(shuō)道：“噢，先生，我不知道我們?cè)谶x什么，但看上去只有你和我是候選人�！�
四、
Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?"
"A kid bit me," replied Ivan.
"Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother.
"I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket."
伊凡鼻子流著血回到家里。他媽媽問(wèn)，“發(fā)生了什么事?”
“一個(gè)男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡說(shuō)。
“再見到他你能認(rèn)出來(lái)嗎?”媽媽問(wèn)。
“他走到哪里我都能認(rèn)出他，”伊凡說(shuō)�！八亩溥�在我衣兜里呢。”
五、
Mother: Why are you jumping up and down?
Tom: I've just taken some medicine and I forgot to shake the bottle.
媽媽：你為什么不停地跳上跳下的?
湯姆：我剛吃完藥，可我忘了先搖動(dòng)瓶子了
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