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跟討厭的人打交道七大妙招
人一輩子，總歸要碰到一些討厭的人，可能是煩人的上司、愛(ài)拍馬屁的粉絲、沒(méi)主見(jiàn)的同事、難纏的客戶、沒(méi)教養(yǎng)的親戚、或者任何人。這時(shí)你該怎么做呢?是扭頭就走、避而遠(yuǎn)之?還是硬著頭皮，得過(guò)且過(guò)?
1. listen。
第一招：傾聽(tīng)
a lot of conflicts are based in misunderstandings, so always make sure you’re getting everything, it can be easy enough to tune someone out when they annoy you; the trick is to use careful questioning to focus the other person on the topic at hand so they give you what you need and avoid straying too far. poor listening leads to misunderstandings that need clarification – which means more time spent with someone you’d really rather not be around。
許多沖突都源自誤會(huì)，所以，請(qǐng)先確認(rèn)你領(lǐng)會(huì)了對(duì)方的意思。在碰到煩人的家伙時(shí)，不予理會(huì)并不是件難事，不過(guò)這里有個(gè)訣竅：提問(wèn)的時(shí)候要有的放矢，以獲得所需的訊息，使談話步上正軌，而不是被扯遠(yuǎn)了去。傾聽(tīng)不力導(dǎo)致的直接后果就是誤會(huì)重重，為了消除這些誤會(huì)，你需要花費(fèi)更多的時(shí)間在澄清事實(shí)上，也就意味著會(huì)有更多與“極品們”共處的時(shí)間。
2. repeat everything。
第二招：復(fù)述
besides the tendency to tune out people you’d rather avoid, our feelings about another person can color our perception of what they’re saying. to avoid this, repeat back any instructions, questions, or other problems they pose to you to make sure you absolutely understand what they’re saying. give them a chance to correct you before you go off half-cocked, sure you know what “that kind of person” wants。
當(dāng)不得不和討厭的人共事時(shí)，除去那種“不由自主地就想忽略ta”的感覺(jué)以外，我們的主觀感覺(jué)也在左右著我們對(duì)對(duì)方語(yǔ)義的認(rèn)知。為了避免這種情況，請(qǐng)?jiān)诼?tīng)到對(duì)方的指示、提問(wèn)或其它任何拋給你的任務(wù)時(shí)，先把它重復(fù)一遍，以確定你已正確領(lǐng)會(huì)了對(duì)方的意思。在你一知半解地進(jìn)行工作以前，先給他們一個(gè)糾正誤解的機(jī)會(huì)——這樣就可以避免自己出糗了(你很清楚的，他們最愛(ài)看你出糗了哦)。
3. keep your cool。
第三招：保持冷靜
it’s tempting to want to argue with people who rub you the wrong way, or to lose it and start pointing out their faults. don’t do that! unless they’re wrong about something that directly and materially affects you, don’t bother – starting a debate or, worse, an argument will only prolong your agony – and neither of you is likely to change your mind. save the debates for when you’re with friends whose opinions matter to you。
是的，我知道，你有時(shí)候總?cè)滩蛔∠牒湍莻�(gè)冒犯了你的人爭(zhēng)執(zhí)一番，或是干脆爆發(fā)出來(lái)，一一歷數(shù)對(duì)方的錯(cuò)誤。別!除非他們做了什么直接有損你名譽(yù)和利益的事，否則，就讓它一邊兒去吧。爭(zhēng)執(zhí)和吵鬧只會(huì)增加你的痛苦——并且，也不會(huì)改變你們?nèi)魏我环降南敕�。想評(píng)理的話，找朋友說(shuō)去吧，他們的意見(jiàn)才重要。
4. be clear about boundaries。
第四招：界限分明
you don’t have to be friends with everyone. which means you don’t have to do favors for everyone who asks. if someone’s encroaching on your time, simply tell them, “i’m sure this is important to you but it simply isn’t a priority for me right now. i really need to work on x and not y。” again, there’s no need to be mean, just redirect the conversations whenever conversation drifts into areas that aren’t relevant and where you know you’ll be annoyed。
你不需要和每個(gè)人都成為朋友。這就意味著：你沒(méi)必要取悅每一個(gè)人。假如有人想占用你的時(shí)間，直接告訴ta：“我知道這事兒對(duì)您來(lái)說(shuō)很重要，但是現(xiàn)在我還有別的本職的事兒要做�！� 并不是教你變得冷漠無(wú)情，我的意思是：每當(dāng)話題扯遠(yuǎn)了、或是即將觸碰到你底線的這種時(shí)候，靈活地再把它扯回來(lái)就行。
5. fight fire with ice。
第五招：及時(shí)滅火
the worst thing you can do with an angry or irrational person is engage him or her. in the heat of aggression, any word or action interpreted as aggressive in response will only trigger more aggression – and most of the item, if someone is upset and railing about it, every word and action will be read as aggression. as hard as it might seem to do, the best thing is to sit quietly and let them spend themselves ranting and raving, and then ask if they’d like to schedule a time to discuss the matter more calmly and return to whatever you were doing. if this sets off another round of yelling, simply wait it out and repeat。
面對(duì)一個(gè)怒發(fā)沖冠的人，“和他計(jì)較”是最糟糕的做法。在這種時(shí)候，任何不當(dāng)?shù)难孕卸己芸赡軙?huì)火上澆油——即使是正常的舉止，在憤怒的人眼中也會(huì)被誤讀。遇到這種情況，最好的辦法是安靜地坐下來(lái)，等他們宣泄完怒氣，然后問(wèn)道：“您愿意先冷靜一下，然后挑個(gè)時(shí)間，讓我們來(lái)討論一下xx問(wèn)題嗎?”假如你話音剛落，對(duì)方又開(kāi)始大發(fā)雷霆——沒(méi)關(guān)系，保持淡定，再試一次。
6. close the door。
第六招：拒絕干擾
while you may have to interact with people you don’t care for in any number of situations, remember that your time is your own and don’t let other people, especially ones you’d rather not interact with, take control of your time. communication outside of the narrow band needed to fulfill both of your objectives should be minimized – which often means forcefully limiting such talk. make it clear when you are unavailable, and make yourself unavailable as often as possible. if you have the power, require that your partner make an appointment, and gently reject any effort to discuss your work or projects outside of that scheduled time. people – even annoying people – tend to respect the time of people who make a clear showing that they take their own time very seriously。
當(dāng)你不得不和討厭的人共事時(shí)，記�。簳r(shí)間是自己的，別讓任何人掌控，尤其是那些你討厭的。嘮家常之類的閑聊要嚴(yán)格杜絕。沒(méi)空聊就是沒(méi)空聊——讓自己盡可能地保持“沒(méi)空”狀態(tài)吧。有可能的話，和對(duì)方事先約好談話時(shí)間，并禮貌地拒絕任何“計(jì)劃外”的干擾。每個(gè)人(極品們也不例外)都會(huì)尊重認(rèn)真計(jì)劃時(shí)間的人。
7. you’re valuable. remember it。
第七招：你是有價(jià)值的，記住這點(diǎn)。
if you’ve found yourself in a position where you are obligated for some reason to spend time with someone you dislike, remember that most likely, they are in the same position – and it’s you they dislike. but you wouldn’t be in that situation if you didn’t provide something of value – whether that’s a work skill or talent, specialized knowledge, even things as abstract as emotional support or solidarity. you have a mission, so to speak, and everything that distracts you from that mission reduces your value。
當(dāng)你不得不和討厭的人打交道時(shí)，沒(méi)關(guān)系，記住——人家也有同樣的感覺(jué)，因?yàn)橛憛捠窍嗷サ�。但要記�。喝绻阒皼](méi)體現(xiàn)出自己的價(jià)值，你就連這打交道的機(jī)會(huì)都得不到。不管這價(jià)值指的是某種工作技能、天份、專業(yè)知識(shí)、抑或是抽象的情感支持、或凝聚力等。你是具有使命的。任何阻撓你完成使命的事物，都會(huì)降低你的價(jià)值。
people that are annoying, difficult, selfish, boring, or otherwise a chore to deal with are that way for reasons that have nothing to do with you – it’s not your job to fix, engage with, or indulge those tendencies. don’t worry abut figuring them out or correcting them, worry instead about how you’re going to manage their annoyances without letting it hinder your ability to achieve your own goals. what is your place is to take the control the other person has clearly relinquished, and making sure you get out of the contact what you need. the tips above will help。
無(wú)論有的人多么討厭、難以相處、自私、無(wú)趣、或難纏，讓他們?nèi)�，這些都與你無(wú)關(guān)。你的職責(zé)不是去改變別人的缺點(diǎn)，相反，你該考慮的是：如何在從容應(yīng)對(duì)這些煩惱的同時(shí)，不影響自己目標(biāo)的達(dá)成。你該做的，是把握住對(duì)方已經(jīng)放棄的控制權(quán)，保證自己能從這樣不算愉快的接觸中得取所需。相信以上幾招會(huì)對(duì)你有幫助。
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